


Once more with feeling

by Vendel



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Arrow - Freeform, Arrow Family, Arrow winter finale spoilers, F/M, Happy Ending, Oliver Queen is dead, Team Arrow, a bit of fluff i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 01:11:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2832761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vendel/pseuds/Vendel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Felicity finds out Oliver is dead, her entire world shuts down</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once more with feeling

She was speaking to Ray in her office when she found out. They were going over some new strategies for the company, when someone suddenly spoke her name.

 

“Miss Smoak”

 

She turned towards the voice somewhat confused, because she new the voice, but this was the last place she ever expected to hear it.

 

“Nyssa? What are you…”

 

Her question was left unspoken, when realization hit her.

 

He was dead. That would be the only reason why she would be here.

 

“No,” Felicity said almost as a plea. “No. No. No, no, no. NO!”

 

“He died with honor. I have never seen anyone last as long as he.” Nyssa said with no emotion in her voice.

 

Felicity was barely listening to her. Her entire world had ended the moment the other woman had spoken her name.

He was dead. She wouldn’t believe it. He couldn’t be. He was a fighter. He had survived far worse than this!

 

Nyssa didn’t say anything more, she only took a few steps towards Felicity and handed her the clothes she held in her hands.

 

His clothes. His t-shirt and jacket.

 

Once the other woman had left the room, Felicity broke down crying. She fell to the floor, her knees taking most of the impact, but she didn’t feel it. She just cried.

 

Ray was at her side saying her name, but she didn’t pay any attention to him, she just found her phone, and dialed a familiar number.

 

“Felicity?” Diggle’s voice sounded on the other end of the line. His voice was a mixture of feelings. There was both hope, hope that Oliver had come back, and fear that he never would.

 

“John…” Was all she managed to get out. Her throat was almost closed shut, and she didn’t have the energy to say anything else. She new he would understand.

 

“I’ll be right there.”

 

She let the phone clatter to the floor, and continued crying her heart out, while Ray tried to, and failed at, consoling her.

 

Diggle got there a while later. She had no idea how much time had passed.

 

“What happened?” He asked Ray

 

“I don’t know. This woman came in, and Felicity just started shouting ‘no’ and then she broke down crying. The other woman said something about him dying with honor?” Ray answered. Concern in his voice.

 

Diggle closed in on her, and before she knew it, she had raised herself off the floor, and swung herself into his arms.

 

She stayed there for a long time just crying. She could hear the occasional sniffle from Diggle too.

After a while she freed herself, and wiped her eyes.

 

She walked over to the windows of her office. His old office. She stopped at the window he had flung them out of when ‘the hoods’ had attacked the office. She stood there, as she ran one of her hands down the window frame.

 

“I never got to tell him,” She said suddenly. “It was the last thing he said to me, but I never got to say it back.”

 

“He finally said it?” Diggle asked. “No cryptic backwards ways or as some part of a plan? He actually told you?”

 

“He did. When Slade was here, I told him that I knew two things. The first was that he was not alone, and the second was that I believed in him.”

 

She turned and looked out the window again. The city looked so peaceful at that moment. None of them had realized that they had lost their hero, their savior. They were on their own now.

 

“He told me the same thing before he left,” she continued as she looked back at John. “He said that he knew two things. He told me that he would do whatever it takes to protect his sister, and then he kissed my forehead and turned to leave.”

 

“What was the second thing?” Diggle asked, even though he already knew the answer

 

“He shrugged. Smiled a little. And simply said ‘I love you’, like it was the most natural thing in the entire world and then he left. I never got to say it back”

 

“It _was_ the most natural thing in the world for him, Felicity. He just took too long to realize that. And he knew. He might have been too stubborn to believe it, but he knew you love him too. Hell, we all knew. And long before the two of you.”

 

“I don’t know how to survive this.” She admitted.

 

“Of course you do. You’re strong, Felicity.” Diggle said.

 

“I might survive physically, but not emotionally. I don’t feel anything. I have cried all my tears, and now there is nothing left,” She stared out the window again. “I don’t feel a thing. No sorrow. No pain. Not even anger. No anger towards him for leaving in the first place. No anger towards Ra’s for killing him or towards Nyssa for standing there watching. I feel absolutely nothing.” She turned back towards the two men.

 

Ray hadn’t spoken a word since he had answered Diggle’s question when he first arrived. Now he just looked uncomfortable.

 

“I’m gonna go home.” She said then, and started gathering her things.

 

“Felicity…” Diggle spoke her name

 

“I’ll be fine, Digg”

 

She bend down to pick up the clothes she had left on the floor. She put on the jacket, and held the t-shirt close to her chest as she left the room.

 

 

The next day Ray came in to her office and startled a bit when he saw her.

 

“Felicity, you can take some days of. I don’t know exactly what happened, but you clearly lost someone and you don’t have to be at work right now.”

 

“I have nowhere else to be. And there is work to be done, so lets just do that.” She spoke with no emotion. No little smile. No ramblings. Nothing.

 

“Okay then.”

 

 

The next few weeks were much the same. She was there, physically, but not emotionally. She wasn’t Felicity.

 

She went to work everyday. Both her jobs. She did her job at Palmer Technologies just as perfectly as she had always done, and she still navigated Team Arrow on their missions, but she wasn’t really there.

 

She wasn’t the heart of the team anymore. They hadn’t just lost Oliver. They had lost Felicity too. And somehow losing someone who is technically still there was even worse.

 

She was just an empty shell of the person she used to be. Her life became a routine she paid no attention to. She just went to work, went to the Foundry, went home. And then she did it all over again.

 

The only times any sort of emotion would show itself, was when she was alone and she saw him.

 

She saw him a lot. Usually she would just smile at him, and then go on with what she was doing, but when she was alone, she would whisper ‘I love you’ while a single tear would make it’s way down her cheek.

 

Honestly, it was the only thing that kept her from completely falling apart. Getting to tell him how she felt. Even if it was just her mind playing tricks with her, she could say it to his face, and he would smile at her. He never spoke though. He always just smiled that smile that was just for her.

 

 

She was again going over some plans for the company with Ray in her office when she saw him. He was standing in the doorway smiling.

 

She smiled back, just like she always did when she was around other people when he appeared.

 

She gripped her coffee mug a little tighter, and turned back to Ray.

 

Suddenly she felt the hairs at the back of her neck stand. She hadn’t felt that way since before he left. It was the feeling she would always get when he stepped into the room. She could always feel his presence even if she couldn’t see him.

 

She dropped her mug. It cracked on the floor and she could feel the coffee stains on her pant legs.

 

“Felicity, are you alright?” Ray asked her

 

She turned so she was facing Ray, and could see the doorway out of the corner of her eye. He was still there.

 

“Ray, have you given me any rat poison today? ‘Cause I think I might be hallucinating.” She said

 

“No?” Ray was clearly confused by her question, and she could see his brows draw together.

 

“Felicity”

 

Her ghosts didn’t speak. They never spoke. And no one said her name like he did. No one could fit so much meaning and emotion into her name as he could.

 

This time it was amusement and love that filled her name.

 

She turned to him fully now, and she started breathing heavily.

 

She stood there in shock for a few moments before she ran across her office and jumped into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

 

He didn’t even stumble. He just held her as tight as she held him.

 

She cried into his neck, but it was mixed with a laugh of disbelief.

 

“Are you really here?”

 

“I’m really here.” He said into her neck

 

“Are you staying?”

 

“I’m never going anywhere ever again.”

 

“I love you,” She mumbled into his neck. She lifted her head to his ear as she spoke again. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” and she could feel him smiling against her neck. “You have no idea how much.”

 

He held her for a while longer, until she released her legs from his waist and sat them on the floor.

 

She pulled away far enough for her to see him, and just stared at him for a moment. Once again completely forgetting that Ray was in the room.

 

“I can’t believe you’re really here”

 

He grabbed her face and pulled her in so he could kiss her forehead

 

“I’m really here. And I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

 

“Are you okay?” The thought suddenly hit her. He was clearly alive, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t injured.

 

“I’m going to be.” He said and smiled down at her. She really had missed that smile.

 

“Will you please kiss me now?” She asked nervously while she was biting her lip.

 

“There is nothing I’d rather do.” He said just seconds before their lips met.

 

For the first time in almost a month, Felicity felt something. She had felt something when she realized he was alive, but she hadn’t let herself believe it until his lips were on hers. And now that they were, there was no turning back, no denying him being alive, and no doubt in her mind that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man.

 

  

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still new at this so please leave a comment to let me know what you think!  
> And Happy holidays!


End file.
